What did Donald Trump do today?
He tried harder than he ever has to win a war with trolling.
For context regarding what he did this Easter morning, here is one statement Trump has made about his disastrous war with Iran for every day since it began:
February 28: "No president was willing to do what I am willing to do tonight. Now you have a president who is giving you what you want."
March 1: "And sadly, there will likely be more [dead Americans]. Before it ends, that's, uh, the way it is. Likely be more."
March 2: "We're already substantially ahead of our time projections, but whatever the time is, it's okay. Whatever it takes."
March 3: "The United States is stocked, and ready to WIN, BIG!!!"
March 4: "We’re going to cut off all trade with Spain. We don’t want anything to do with Spain."
March 5: "I hope you are impressed. How do you like the performance?"
March 6: "There will be no deal with Iran except UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!"
March 7: "Today Iran will be hit very hard."
March 8: "[Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei] is going to have to get approval from us. If he doesn’t get approval from us, he’s not going to last long."
March 9: "I think the war is very complete."
March 10: "If Iran has put out any mines in the Hormuz Strait, and we have no reports of them doing so, we want them removed, IMMEDIATELY!"
March 11: [in response to two oil tankers being set on fire in the Persian Gulf] "The Straits are in great shape."
March 12: "You never like to say too early you won. We won. In the first hour it was over."
March 13: "I can’t tell you [how long the war will last.] I mean, I have my own idea. But what good does it do? …When I feel it in my bones."
March 14: "Many Countries, especially those who are affected by Iran’s attempted closure of the Hormuz Strait, will be sending War Ships… to keep the Strait open and safe."
March 15: "Uh, I guess they can have a little bit of fight back, but not much."
March 16: "We’ve never needed [NATO]. We have never really asked anything of them."
March 17: "But we're not ready to leave yet, but we'll be leaving in the near future. We'll be leaving in pretty much the very near future."
March 18: "US allies need to get a grip – step up and help open the Strait of Hormuz"
March 19: "We are getting very close to meeting our objectives as we consider winding down our great Military efforts in the Middle East."
March 20: "We don’t use the Strait, the United States, we don’t need it."
March 21: "If Iran doesn’t FULLY OPEN, WITHOUT THREAT, the Strait of Hormuz, within 48 HOURS from this exact point in time, the United States of America will hit and obliterate their various POWER PLANTS, STARTING WITH THE BIGGEST ONE FIRST!"
March 22: "You will soon see what will happen with the ultimatum on the power plants — the result will be very good."
March 23: Iran has "one more chance at peace."
March 24: "[Iran's government] gave us a present, and the present arrived today… It was a very nice thing they did. But what it showed me is that we're dealing with the right people."
March 25: "I won't use the word 'war' because they say, if you use the word war, that's maybe not a good thing to do. They don't like the word 'war,' because you're supposed to get approval."
March 26: "Please let this statement serve to represent that I am pausing the period of Energy Plant destruction by 10 Days to Monday, April 6. …Talks are ongoing and, despite erroneous statements to the contrary by the Fake News Media, and others, they are going very well."
March 27: "NATO made a terrible mistake when they wouldn't send a small amount of military armament, when they wouldn't just even acknowledge what we were doing for the world and taking on Iran."
March 28: "They are talking. We are talking now. They want to make a deal."
March 29: "To be honest with you, my favorite thing is to take the oil in Iran but some stupid people back in the US say: 'why are you doing that?' But they’re stupid people."
March 30: "We will conclude our lovely 'stay' in Iran by blowing up and completely obliterating all of their Electric Generating Plants, Oil Wells and Kharg Island (and possibly all desalinization plants!)"
March 31: “It should be wrapped up in days, not weeks, because no sane group of people could stand the punishment that's going to rain down on them if it's not."
April 1: "We are going to hit them extremely hard over the next two to three weeks. We’re going to bring them back to the Stone Ages, where they belong. …They have no anti-aircraft equipment. Their radar is 100% annihilated."
April 2: "IT IS TIME FOR IRAN TO MAKE A DEAL BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE, AND THERE IS NOTHING LEFT OF WHAT STILL COULD BECOME A GREAT COUNTRY!"
April 3: "With a little more time, we can easily OPEN THE HORMUZ STRAIT, TAKE THE OIL, & MAKE A FORTUNE. IT WOULD BE A “GUSHER” FOR THE WORLD???"
April 4: "Remember when I gave Iran ten days to MAKE A DEAL or OPEN UP THE HORMUZ STRAIT. Time is running out - 48 hours before all Hell will reign down on them. Glory be to GOD!"
In other words, Trump has simultaneously and repeatedly claimed that:
- the war is over
- the war is just getting started
- Iran is desperate to make a deal
- Iran is refusing to negotiate
- The United States can keep the Strait of Hormuz open
- The United States needs help from other countries to keep the Strait of Hormuz open
- The United States doesn't care if the Strait of Hormuz is open
- his threats against Iran's civilian population is forcing them to bargain
- Iran is putting its civilian population at risk by ignoring his threats
- he will "take" Iran's oil
- Iran is allowed to sell its oil more freely than it could before the war
That's barely scratching the surface of the confusion out of Trump's administration and Trump's own mouth, but it may help to provide some context for Trump's attempt to garner attention with this Easter morning post to his private microblogging website.
Easter is the holiday celebrating the miraculous resurrection of Jesus Christ, whose death and descent into Hell vicariously atoned for the sins of the world, according to Christian theology.
Why does this matter?
- This is an open mockery of Christianity as well as Islam.
- Trolling and attention-seeking have never won a war and this won't be the first time.