Tuesday, February 5, 2019

What did Donald Trump do today?

He found some bullying he didn't like.

One of Trump's guests at today's State of the Union address will be a Delaware sixth-grader name Joshua, who has been suffered bullying at school. (Trump's wife, Melania Trump, has campaigned against bullying.) Trump said that the reason Joshua was bullied was because of his last name—Trump.

Other audience members will include Sen. Richard "Da Nang Dick" "the Dick" Blumenthal (D-CT), "Sleepin'" Sen. Bob Casey (D-PA), "Liddle'" Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN), Sen. Richard "Dicky" Durbin (D-IL), Sen. "Sneaky" "Leakin'" Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), "Lightweight" Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, Sen. Doug "Puppet" Jones (D-AL), Sen. Tim "Total Stiff" Kaine (D-VA), Rep. Conor Lamb, "the Sham," (D-PA), Speaker of the House "High Tax" "High Crime" "MS-13 Lover" Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Sen. "Wacky Jacky" Rosen (D-NV), Sen. "Little Marco" Rubio (R-FL), Sen. "Crazy Bernie" Sanders (I-VT), Sen. "Cryin'" Chuck Schumer (D-NY), "Goofy" Sen. Elizabeth "Pocahontas" Warren, "The Indian" (D-MA), Rep. "Crazy" "Low IQ" Maxine Waters (D-CA), "Wacky Congresswoman" Frederica Wilson (D-FL), and Rep. "Little" Adam "Schitt" Schiff (D-CA). 

Sen. "Lyin'" Ted Cruz (R-TX) will also be in attendance, although it's not clear if he will be joined by his wife Heidi (whose appearance Trump made fun of) or his father Rafael (who Trump accused of being involved in the assassination of President Kennedy). 

The audience will also include private citizens George "Mr. Kellyanne" Conway, and several "Obama" "So-Called" judges. 

Among the media figures covering the speech for "Fake News CNN" are reporters and commentators "Crazy" Jim Acosta, Michael "Broken Down Hack" D'Antonio, Paul "Dopey CNN Flunky" Begala, and "Sour" Don Lemon, "The Dumbest Man on TV." (CNN's president is "Little" Jeff Zucker, not to be confused with New York Daily News owner "Dopey" Mort Zuckerman.) The "Amazon" Washington Post, where "Sloppy" Carl Bernstein won his Pulitzer during Watergate, and which is owned by Jeff "Bozo" Bezos, will also report on the address. The "Failing" "Corrupt" New York Times' coverage will include reporting from Maggie "Crooked H Flunky" Haberman and commentary from "Crazy" Maureen Dowd and "Dope" Frank Bruni. "Liberal Fake News" MSNBC's "Low IQ Crazy" "Dumb as a Rock" Mika Brzezinski will discuss the speech tomorrow morning, joined by her fiance "Psycho Joe" Scarborough, with "Little Katy" Tur appearing later in the day, potentially as a guest of "Sleepy Eyes" Chuck Todd. Conservative independent press coverage will be handled by "Wacky" "Irrelevant" "Failing" Glenn Beck and "Sloppy Steve" Bannon. 

Foreign press coverage will include contributions from "Mr. Kurd," as Trump refers to the Kurdish journalist Rahim Rashidi, and Canadian writer "Sloppy" Graydon Carter (who, to be fair, called Trump names first when he called Trump a "short-fingered vulgarian" something Trump is still furious about decades later).

Other "Enemies of the People" in the "Crooked Press" for whom Trump doesn't have specific nicknames will also be reporting on the speech.

So what?

  • Only feeling empathy for other people if you can somehow connect them to yourself is a known symptom of a serious mental health disorder.